Dad, "That's just how it is"

That's Just How it is

My dad was either born in 1920 or 1921. Not sure which as it was never so important to me until I had to compile memoirs for his obituary.

When I was faced with the uncertainty of my own illness years prior, I began to reminisce about my childhood while writing my own autobiography. As I looked back, I recalled something my dad always said - either directly to me, or while I was in his presence. Over the years - especially when I was just a young child - I would never understand as to what he meant by, "That's just how it is."

Those few little words are not profound. In fact, just so easily to be said. Easy to utter such words when you are not going to do more to change the circumstances you're dealing with.When I was young and I heard those simple words, I thought he was giving up; that he had accepted things (pangs of life) so easily without the strength and/or desire to do more.

Humph! I say this about a man whom, as long as I've ever known him, had more than two jobs at one time. I say this about a man who owned and operated two very successful businesses. I say this about a man who gave each of his 7 children the opportunity to go to college while he worked day and night-night and day to pay for it. I say this about a man who slept less than 4 hours a day just to keep food in our stomachs, clothes on our backs, a roof over our heads, electricity, medicine, telephone and a television or two. I say this about a man who didn't spare the rod while putting his own selfishness aside while supplying above and beyond the necessities. Yep, he gave in too easily when he said, "That's just how it is."

Blacks weren't voting, "That's just how it is."
Denver Water has increased their fees - no longer the basic $60 every two months, "That's just how it is."
Nixon is impeached, "That's just how it is."
Rising gas prices, "That's just how it is."
The Iran Contra Arms, "That's just how it is."
My mother crying like a baby when my brother left for basic training in the Air Force, "That's just how it is."
Didn't receive the job because you're born in the wrong color of skin, "That's just how it is."
The president has raised taxes, "That's just how it is."
Need additional money for this and/or that, "That's just how it is."
...And the list goes on with, "That's just how it is."

Saying, That's just how it is, seems as if one has just accepted the situation so easily-as if you're not or can not do any more.

As I muse "That's just how it is," I must consider why those insignificant words were spoken and when. I mean, one has to accept and/or encounter the certainties as well as the uncertainties of daily living such as arguments and disagreements, unplanned births, lack of money, war and corrupt government deals, death and taxes, injustices, liars and thieves. Moreover for those who are Black, racism.

My dad, a Black man born in either 1920 or 21, in Alabama… I suppose it wasn't so easy to say, "That's just how it is" and actually be at ease with, "That's just how it is" when there are so many troubling circumstances to contend with.

As the years go by, I grow more certain that somewhere somehow, I am missing the clues to these riddled unsettling questions about what true principles are and their meaning. Every single time I think I actually know, or even have a hint and am getting closer, I get hit upside my head with yet another losing blow; forcing me to face reality. The reality is, I DON’T KNOW! [To my own self I must be true] I concede and have concluded that I never ever will know. Today, I am 39. No, it's not my birthday, but today, I am announcing, coming clean, verifying, stating, and being honest, that I am at ease with all of the unknown answers that plague so many. I am at ease with not knowing the solution to all of this that surrounds me and I am ok that I never will. I am peacefully at ease.

Daily, my surroundings consist of the following:
A silent disease that controls my body even while I'm sleeping. A spouse who worries about things that he will never be able to change or at least come up with the solution at that single solitary moment. Ok, be at ease, as I know that this is or may be trivial and too close. However we can consider tax dollars used for unmarried women living in section 8 housing with men who own two luxury vehicles while too many US citizens strive for the menial things in life, like um food on their tables and "extra" money to pay for medicine to live a common life. We can consider the United States government spending 6 million a year of our tax dollars on wood investigations.

I am surrounded with a plethora of emails regarding the malady of the person who attempts to run this country. In addition, I ache for the founder of Gold Star Families for Peace Cindy Sheehan who's son, just after five days arriving in Iraq, was killed in Sadr City. Ms. Sheehan left the comforts of her California home only to stand outside the president's ranch to receive unanswered questions regarding the Iraqi invasion! I am surrounded with obvious racism within our government, in my local grocery stores and shopping centers etc. More closely, the in-depth test given by the Denver Fire Department. I'm troubled not to mention deeply concerned that the Village Idiot who thinks that "fuzzy math" is acceptable to the American people and worse, the Sheep who blindly welcome it. My concerns draw adversity regarding police brutality, religious ignorance, government officials receiving a life pension, disabled people, 9/11 and the United States, the Iraqi invasion, U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan and other injustices.

Yes, the events vary, but I have had enough! There aren't ANY solutions to the things I face. Yes, some of these are forced upon me, others I suppose I have explored and implored upon myself. Nonetheless, only NOW, do I KNOW why my dad stated those superficial yet very profound words.

As one who has attempted to find the meaning to ALL things, I know what my dad meant by, that’s just how it is, and it is no longer a secret. That’s just how it is, simply means, who cares; I don’t.

As stated by my former favorite poet, "Yall wondered when it's going to get better…. It aint gonna get better."

As my dear dad use to say, "That's just how it is."




©Keeba Smith-Hankered Writer and Feared Compressor
K Smith is an author, columnist and social issues commentator
KSmith023@yahoo.com