Superstitions, Dreams = GENIUS

Superstitious, dreams and a genius
I never considered myself superstitious as nothing really draws my attention ‘cept for plum stupidity and inside influences-at which time, I am entertained. While growing up, I was told never to walk under a ladder as it would bring me bad luck, but my question was when? When will it bring me bad luck? Is this bad luck immediately, like within seconds of the under the ladder walk, within an hour or tomorrow morning? Does it even mean I would not wakeup tomorrow? Would my legal yet criminal-like act cause bad luck to my immediate family, or better yet, my nemesis? I go for the later because if that is the case I will make it habitual; seeking ladders in the daylight with a flashlight 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Yes, I like that idea!

When I was younger, my sister said that I should be leery of crossing a black cat. Humph! Now that doesn’t make any sense. How could one ever "cross a black cat" when most cats are pretentious and will not allow humans to come close enough to cross it. Back then, she said it would bring bad luck to cross a cat, but again, I must ask, when and to whom? Will this bad luck occur the next time I’m crossing the street after crossing a black cat? And, who has to be the victim while crossing the street, me or the black cat who I just crossed? Just seems odd... I suppose the cat could cross many humans and be fine, but it should watch for one of its 9 lives while crossing the street, so yes, I bet it is safer for the black cat to cross humans more so then crossing the street.

As a youngster, we were very fortunate to have great neighbors who took a liking to the fresh vegetables in our over-sized garden. (They had a cat, but luckily, Judy wasn’t black.) This elderly couple loved our family as we did them and visited one another often. We mowed their lawn and enjoyed the rotten apples yielded from their over-sized tree. Thinking about that tree, I wonder why we never climbed it. Was it because it wasn’t ours?

Mrs. Monroe was a pretty woman with lovely long hair that she kept tucked in a nicely designed bun, and as she got older, she took it upon herself to share and hand over some of her treasured possessions. One thing she bestowed me, was a light green matching, mirror and brush set. I hardly used the brush, but because I believed I was some thing or someone to view, I admired and amused myself in that small mirror quite often. While the soft bristly-brush hardly received much use, the set laid neatly on my seasoned dresser and from time to time when I needed a good laugh I’d pickup that treasured mirror and find free entertainment. One day, while making note of the cluttered dresser top, the mirror walked over to the edge of the dresser and jumped off, cracking the glass! I was saddened that a once cherished piece had been damaged. When my dad noticed the mirror, he mentioned the bad luck thing, and again, I have to ask when and where and to whom this misfortunate would befall?

I was warned to never go on the wrong side of a pole as it would bring on the bad luck thing, but walking in the street, or playing with fire would not necessarily bring on the bad luck, but could certainly cause death. Which is worse, being alive suffering the insanity of this world, or being dead? Of course, I have never met anyone who has returned from the dead and then reported the pros and cons of the other side. All of this and my elders had to warn me of all the superstitious "bad luck" as if it were the monster-boogie man. Nevertheless today, I have made a continuos decision. Yes, I have decided to file a suit against all of those who warned me of the bad luck monster. But for them, I would not have an ulcer and if I can medically attribute my worries due to the ulcer to my other health problems, I will solicit the commercial attorney’s to file and seek restitution for all of the years I was a victim. Let’s see, that should amount to millions of gazillions of dollars.

I have never found a four-leaf clover, but a butterfly or two has landed in my bed. However, after having a certain dream, my parents would place a bet on a certain number and win. Yes, they warned me of that also, along with an itchy hand. Now, I am not superstitious, but I must say that those very, very, few slim times my hands would itch, money would grace my pockets from time to time. The money that magically appeared was never in large amounts, but just enough to say I was content for a limited amount of time. Today, I could use a few bucks, so I have decided to either stop washing my hands for a few days or continuously wash them with bleach in hopes that they dry out in a matter of days.

Last night I had two memorable dreams that I was so sure was real. In the first dream, I dreamt that I had decided to do something to my hair…re-perm it or something. While washing it, instead of using the shampoo provided in the box, I used my usual Jhirmack. All of a sudden, I was horrified to see my long hair coming out and laying loosely in my hands. When my hair stopped subsiding, I was left with a short curly Afro, and later worried if I would be able to wear enough hair-gel to slick my hair back and daunt a fancy fake ponytail. I was livid!

My second dream was more pleasant as I dreamt that I was at work. Well, working isn’t what most would deem as most pleasant, but it was what occurred while I was at work that I find necessary.

There I was talking to my human resource manager while she had an 8½ x 11’ paper in front of her that seem to report some well thought out figures. As she talked, she informed me that the monthly income I was receiving from the Company was incorrect and that I would receive more money. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am as about as honest as any politician, but with more common sense. See, I told her the exact amount I was already receiving only because I didn’t want them to retract their generously gifted funds and honesty after they realized months or years later that they made a mistake. Trust me, I have had this happen to me before when I was overpaid, and I must say, it wasn’t easy while robbing Peter to pay Paul to repay for their mistake. However, this time was different. She said, "Even with the money you’re already getting, we still owe you the money, so instead of the $150 we give you per month, you will now receive this (pointing with her pen) and this amount."

When I looked at the numbers, - the $200 and $483 - I calculated a sum of $833. Wow! I was ecstatic, as I would be able to move from the ghetto to the slums. No longer would I have to pit the bills against one another when placing them in a hat and drawing out the lucky creditors. No longer would I have the necessary worries of paying the mortgage, electricity or food, but living the good life because I now was able to afford medication too! Yes, I tell ya, that was one of the best dreams I’ve had in a long time; at least one that I can remember anyway.

The other day, about a week or a month ago, my hand was itching, and so now I wonder if that was what the last dream was all about. Hmmm, I suppose I have received all of the additional funds I superstitiously deemed necessary.

Last night, I noticed that my head was hurting due to the tight stocking cap I had on my head. I thought if I had a touchup perm-kit, I would be able to smooth out my rough edges and cease strangling my poor brain under the cap. But I suppose after dreaming of the great hair loss, I will just keep my nappy hair in tact under the cap.

Now you can view me as your specious psychic and/or one who can detect dreams. Feel free to give me a call as I do all the reading under this tight brain-strangling, stocking cap – all without air to my brain. Also when you call, don’t mind the person who answers the phone, and be patient while answering to all 15 of psychiatrists, but just be sure to ask the operator to speak to "The Genius." The nonsuperstitious dreamer.

Signed,

The Credulous Intellect

©Keeba Smith
Hankered Writer and Feared Compressor
K Smith is an author, columnist and social issues commentator KSmith023@yahoo.com